The Dream

It's surprising that I haven't written more about my dreams considering (as most of you know) they are always vivid and very bizarre. Here's one I had the other night that has really stuck with me. I know you'll appreciate a peak into my psyche.

So, it started with me registering for some kind of triathlon or race or something. I walked up to the registration table and, after giving my name to the guy checking me in, he handed me one of those little machines that calculates your body fat percentage. For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, it looks like this:

We then proceeded to have the following conversation:

Guy: Take this and hold it straight out in front of you.
Me: Why are you measuring my body fat?
Guy: We have limits for this race.
Me: Are you serious? You mean I can't race if my body fat is too high?
Guy: Yeah. (he then takes the thing away from me) Ok, you have 80% body fat.
Me: WHAT?!?!?! NO I DON'T! (he hands me the machine and sure enough it says 80%) That's impossible! I would have to weigh like 800 pounds! Plus, you didn't input my height, weight or age into that thing. It's not accurate.
Guy: Ok fine. How old are you?
Me: 27 (either lying or just stuck in time)
Guy: Ok. (he inputs my age and hands the thing back to me to measure it again) Ok, you actually have 40% body fat.
Me: WHAT?!?!?!?! NO I DON'T! YOU'RE THING IS TOTALLY NOT ACCURATE. WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT?
Guy: Nothing. It's working just fine.
Me: NO IT'S NOT! THERE'S NO WAY I HAVE 40% BODY FAT!! I WOULD HAVE TO BE LIKE 300 POUNDS! YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!!
Guy: Yes I am.
Me: NO YOU'RE NOT! I KNOW FOR A FACT I'M UNDER 30%. IT SHOULD SAY 20 SOMETHING. WHY ARE YOU MEASURING THIS ANYWAY?!?!?!

Then the guy gave me this look that I swear would drive you into a frenzy. It sure did me! It was like he thought I was a total lunatic and in denial of my 80% or 40% body fat. So, I grabbed him by the shoulders and started either shaking or hitting him, I'm not sure. It was kind of a blind rage and I don't really remember seeing anything else. But I do remember wanting to rip off his smug little face.

And that was about it. End of dream. It didn't last long enough for me to find out if I competed or not. I would like to think I was under the limit, but there's a pretty good chance I was disqualified for attacking the guy.