Inside the Mind of an Annoying Driver

Uh oh. There's a red light up ahead I really need to turn right at the next block. It looks like there is one less car in the far left lane so I'll get in that one, then cut over two lanes as soon as the light turns green. I'm sure no one will mind letting me in.

I really need to get out of this parking lot. There's a car coming with no one else behind him. I could wait until he passes and be in the clear, buuuuuut...no, I'll just go right now.

Everyone is going way too fast on this freeway. I should slow down. To 50.

If I start driving in the bike lane and slow down, it's totally obvious that I'm going to turn right up ahead. Why signal?

As long as there is at least one car behind me, I'm safe driving through a stale yellow/red light. I risk getting into an accident but if there's a cop around, the guy behind me will get the ticket.

Eh. I can turn right from this left turn lane.

Mystery of the 5th Floor Ladies Room

I would like to tell you a story. It's a mystery story. There are twists and turns and the ending will leave you in chills. And it's all true.

It's called Mystery in the 5th Floor Ladies Room. It takes place, interestingly enough, on the 5th floor of my office building. Where that office building is doesn't matter, but what you do need to know is that there are many people who work on the 5th floor. Many people. And many of those people are women. I'd say, maybe 50-75 of them. I can't say for sure because I rarely roam the hallways and when I do, I'm usually not polite enough to make eye contact or say hello. So I don't know if the person I'm passing works at another company or in the cube next to me. Plus, with that many women working here you rarely see the same ones in the restroom. In fact, there are some women who I've never seen in there at all. Like my boss. But that's another story....

So, these 50-100 women share one restroom. It's a nice restroom. Very typical of an office building I'd say. There are six stalls, four sinks and two large mirrors. But, just below the surface, this restroom is anything but typical.

Someone here on the 5th floor is oddly obsessed with toilet seat covers. Looking back, I suppose I noticed signs of her obsession months ago. Possibly even a year or more. A bunch of them would be shoved in the garbage can or in the sanitary trash holder thingy in the stall. At first I thought, Huh. That's weird. They must have gotten wet or something. But I started seeing them more often. Not all the time of course. Maybe a few times a month. It really depended on how closely I paid attention to the trash or if I chose the stall that she had stuffed them in. I never thought much of this woman...until today.

It was a typical morning and I was making first visit to the restroom for the day. I saw that the second stall door was closed and when choosing my stall, I usually like to give someone a little space (for my sake and theirs). So, I went into the fourth one. As soon as I locked the door, I knew something wasn't right. I hadn't seen anyone in the hallway walking ahead of me so I knew this woman hadn't just arrived. Yet, I could hear the rustling of a toilet seat cover being removed from the dispenser. Then another one. Then another one.

Oh no, I thought. She's here!

The rustling continued while I hurriedly did my business. One after another, they were being removed. I could hear them crunching and crinkling.

No, no! I must hurry! I must find out who this is!

But before I could finish, I heard the toilet flush and then her stall door open.

Noooooooo! Damn all that water! Why did I wait so long to go? Just a minute sooner and I could have been done by now!

Then I heard the water start running. She washed her hands, dried them and left. I rushed out of my stall, but she was gone.

And all that was left was.....

A stack of toilet seat covers sitting neatly on the counter between two sinks.

I was stunned. I went into the second stall and sure enough, the dispenser was empty. I was left cold and confused.

Why? Why does she do this? I don't understand. Is it vandalism? Does she have an obsession with paper? Does she just like the sound they make when you take them out of the dispenser? I feel so lost.

I went back to my desk and told my coworker what I had heard. She too knows of this woman but has no idea who she is. She was sad to learn that I was not able to solve this mystery for her as well.

So there you have it. The mystery continues. I hope I'm able to solve it someday. I hope you've enjoyed this tale. Maybe next time I'll tell you about the mysterious cosmetic company that is down the hall. All of the girls who work there are young, pretty...and I've never seen the same one twice. Cosmetic company...or front for a high class call girl service? We don't really know....

I'm Still Here

My Mom reminded me that I have some big news that I need to share with my blog (which I've ignored for the past few months), so here it is!


Dan proposed! And I said yes of course :) It just happened last Thursday. I knew he was going to be making dinner that night and I thought we were just going to hang out and watch the second game of the World Series. But when I came home, there was a note for me by the garage door telling me to leave all my things and come upstairs. When I turned the corner, the entire two-story flight of stairs up to our living room was covered with rose petals and candles, then music started playing. He was waiting for me at the top with champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, more candles and rose petals. It was quite the spread. Then he got down on one knee and popped the question! Afterward, he made one of my favorite dinners; pork chops with a wine and cranberry sauce, potatoes and asparagus.

Pretty huh? Then we watched the Giants beat the Rangers. It was torture because we knew all of our friends and family were watching the game so we couldn't call anyone until afterward. But when we did start making our calls, everyone was very happy for us.

That included my Mom. And, since she wanted me to write this blog post, I have to tell the WHOLE story! I flew down to Orange County the next morning for my Nana's 90th birthday party. I had tried to call my parents the night before to tell them (and the rest of the family) but my Dad wanted me to keep it a secret until I arrived so I could tell them in person. When I arrived to my Nana's house, Mom was out shopping. When she came back, I wasn't really prepared for how to tell her so I had to think on my feet. I had my phone next to me so I asked her if I could take her picture...holding the phone with my left hand of course. It went something like this:

Me: "Mom, come here. I want to take your picture."

Mom: "Oh ok."

Me: "Look right here at my phone."

Mom: Posing

Me: "Mom! Are you looking at my phone?"

Mom: "Yes. Are you taking my picture?"
Me: Wiggling my left ring finger. "Right here Mom. Are you looking at my phone?"
Mom: "Yes I am." Still posing.

Me: "Mom! Make sure you're looking RIGHT AT MY PHONE."

Mom: "OK!" Still posing.

Carolyn: Pointing at my left ring finger. "Mom! Are you looking RIGHT HERE?"

Mom: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Crying.

It looked like this:

I just wish I had taken a video instead of a picture. I would have posted it on You Tube and it would have gone viral by now!

The Mall

The following events happened just moments ago at the mall:

Drive, drive, drive
Man, there's like no parking here. Why is everyone at the mall?
Drive, drive, drive
Oh! There's a spot! Hmm, I'm quite far away. Oh well, I don't mind walking.
Take 10 steps
OMG! IT'S SO HOT!
Walk some more
Oh ok, this is ridiculous. Why is it so hot? I have to get inside.
Enter the mall, let the air conditioning wash over me
Now this is more like it! Ahhhh. This is the life.
Enter a store
Bleph. Whoa. What's happening?
Body temperature immediately starts rising
Oh geez, is their air conditioning not working? Why is it so hot in here?
Go up the escalator to the second floor
Oh my gosh it's even hotter up here
Go up the escalator to the third floor
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG. What is up with this place?
Walk around the store for awhile looking at stuff
Oh God.
Walk around more, pretend not to be miserable
I cannot even handle this right now. There's no air in here. I can't breathe. I'm going to have an anxiety attack.
Try to decide between a couple items
My feet are swelling. I can actually feel my feet swelling. Where's a clerk? I'm seriously going to ask someone about this. Oh no, she looks too nice. Dang it! I have to get out of here. No more. Must decide. Just purchase! PURCHASE AND ESCAPE!
Choose something to purchase, take it to the register
Hurry it up lady.
Lights start turning off on the floor, politely ask: "is the air conditioning not working?" She answers: "yes, it's on. They're turning off the lights like they did yesterday so we save power and we can make sure the air conditioning doesn't go out. We're just on the third floor, that's why it's so hot."
LIAR! It's hotter in here than it is outside. There's no way the air conditioning is on. How can you stand it? HOW CAN YOU STAND IT??? I have to get out of here.
Go downstairs and exit
Wait. This doesn't look right. Oh crap. This is the second floor. I parked on the first floor. I have to go back in the building? Are you SERIOUS?
Go back in the building, go down to the first floor
It's just as hot down here as it was on the third floor.
Exit the building
Oh geez. My car is all the way over there. It's so HOOOOOOOOT!
Whine to myself silently
I hate my life.
Start walking down the aisle to my car
It's so far away. So. Far. Away.
Realize I'm on the wrong aisle
Lord, take me now.
Walk, walk, walk
Is that it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Walk slower, slower, slower
I'm not going to make it. I'm so thirsty. Why? Whyyyyyyyy?
Find car, get in, turn on air conditioning
I'm too weak to drive. I'll never make it back to work.
Drive back to work, enter air conditioned building
Ahhhh. Life is good again.

The Owl Family

I guess you can file this one under "bird brain," but I'm excited that there is a family of burrowing owls living at the corner of one of the busiest intersections in my city. I noticed them a couple weeks ago on my way home from work. There were three little brown owls scurrying around on the ground, hopping up and down from a fence, flapping their wings and bouncing around. I've seen them a few times since then and it really looks like they're living there. Today I was stopped at the red light and saw one, nearly completely camouflaged against the dirt, standing on one foot and keeping a watchful eye on a ground squirrel that was rummaging around him.

I don't know much about owls or why they would be hanging out in a field at 5:00 in the evening, so I looked it up! Turns out, they are burrowing owls. They live in the ground, are most active at dusk at dawn, and often perch themselves on fence posts or mounds of dirt. How cute! I really want to go take pictures of them, but since they are at such a busy intersection, I think I'd be a little embarrassed. I don't want a bunch of people driving past me wondering what on earth is that girl taking pictures of? An owl? What a wacko!

So I'll settle for sharing these cute pictures with you:

On a final note, when I texted Dan to tell him where the little owl family is living, he told me that there are more owls living just down the street from there. "They are large breasted and have orange bottoms." It took me awhile, but I finalize realized that he was talking about these owls:

Angry Birds

One could argue that the best thing about having an iPhone is that you can easily stay connected to the world. You have email, the Internet and, most importantly, Facebook right in the palm of your hand. I can see some validity to this argument, but in the end...it is false. The best thing about having an iPhone is Angry Birds.

Angry Birds is a little game that I discovered one day while surfing the App Store. I had never heard of it before, but it was the highest rated game and it contained the word "birds" in the title. I was sold. For the wise investment of 99 cents, I immediately purchased myself a lifetime of fulfilling entertainment. And by fulfilling entertainment...I mean social isolation.

Here's how it works. First, you have your team of birds.

By using a sling shot, you shoot them one at a time at a fort that is protecting a bunch of pigs:

You try to knock down the fort and kill the pigs by using the least amount of birds as possible. Why? Because they have stolen your birds' eggs and you need to get them back!

To say I'm addicted is putting it mildly. I had completed all 135 levels in a matter of days and immediately went back to replay each one until I had bettered my scores. I have just a few levels left that I still need to get all three stars, the highest amount you can get. On the nights that Dan works late, I tuck myself into bed early and spend nearly two hours hovered over my phone flinging birds at pigs until my battery dies or my eyes become too blurry to see. On the nights that he is home...I play for one hour. After all, I don't want to completely ignore him. I also play while watching TV, listening to the radio and I've even been known to play a level or two at a red light.

Luckily, this is one of those games that are constantly being updated so every couple weeks I get a new level to play. It's great! And I would like to take this opportunity to thank the people in Sweden for making my life a little better. One angry bird at a time.

Michelle's Key Strategies for Becoming a Millionaire by Age 30 - A New Series

Last week I decided that I should start writing a series on my blog. In part for my readers' enjoyment, but mostly because it would encourage me to start writing more. It's not that I've been at a loss for material lately, it's just that I haven't really been that inspired to sit down and write. (Hence the week and a half between me deciding to start a series and actually writing it) So, I'm hoping this will change.

Of course, then it came time to decide what to write about. It had to be something that could sustain several posts, but not be redundant or boring. Since I couldn't actually think of something new to write about, I decided to reach into the archives of my brain and pull out one of my favorite gems...Michelle's Key Strategies for Becoming a Millionaire by Age 30.

Now I know what you're thinking...But Michelle, you're 30. Are you a millionaire? No I'm not. But that's only because I started developing Michelle's Key Strategies for Becoming a Millionaire by Age 30 when I was like 27. I'm sure you can agree that three years, no matter how many strategies you adopt, is not much time to become a millionaire. I've changed my own personal plan to be called Michelle's Key Strategies for Michelle to Become a Millionaire by Age 40. But for everyone else, it will stay at 30.

Now some of you may be thinking...But Michelle, I am older than 30. Can I still become a millionaire? Yes you can. But, you need to bump up your goal age to the next big decade you'll be hitting. And, if you're a LOT older than 30, you should probably bump it up two decades because you have been a non-millionaire for a very long time and are probably really set in your non-millionaire ways, so it will be more difficult for you to adopt my key strategies. Consider that my first key strategy for you.

There are a few things you need to know about Michelle's Key Strategies for Becoming a Millionaire by Age 30. First off, you need to keep in mind that they are not tips. These are strategies. So while the item may seem menial or strange to you, there is probably a good reason why it is on the list. Which I will explain. Secondly, these are extremely easy items to incorporate into your life. There are a lot of articles out there about how to become a millionaire that involve investment strategies, mutual funds, stocks etc. That stuff is way too complicated for me. My key strategies don't require you to know much, or anything, about money or finances. Lastly, there are no guarantees that these strategies will actually work, so please don't hold me responsible if they don't. Until I actually become a millionaire, I consider these strategies to still be in the testing phase.

So, without further ado, I present to you Michelle's Key Strategies for Becoming a Millionaire by Age 30. The first entry is below. I'll tag these entries with "Millionaire" so it'll be easy to follow along. Enjoy!

Becoming a Millionaire - Get a Low Paying Job

(I thought it would probably be best to shorten Michelle's Key Strategies for Becoming a Millionaire by Age 30 to just "Becoming a Millionaire." At least for title purposes.)

There's no better way to introduce Michelle's Key Strategies for Becoming a Millionaire by Age 30 than with one of the most important key strategies...getting a low paying job. This may seem contradictory to the long term goal, but it's not. Here's why.

Low paying jobs teach you a lot. When you are making hardly any money and are forced to live on your own, pay your own rent and bills, buy your own food and clothing, and attempt to put away something for the future, you learn a LOT about money.

The best time to get a low paying job is right out of college. That's because:
A) Your parents have been paying for everything for like 22/23 years, so you will be grateful for any salary that allows you financial freedom and a sense of pride.
B) You've never had a real job before so you have no idea about how much money you should be making and you will be content to live happily in ignorant bliss.
C) You will learn how to live inexpensively and spend the rest of your life living as if you're making hardly any money.

Sure that's the time that you want to go out, show off your brand new education and make a big splash in the working world, but you need to put that on hold. You can make a splash anytime. Out of college, you want to accept a job making peanuts.

In my first job out of college, I made $24,000 a year. Yup! And I'm not ashamed to admit it! (well, maybe a little) I was the morning news producer for a TV station in Fresno working 11:00 pm to 7:00 am. In fact, I was offered another job at the same time at another TV station and I would have made $23,000, produced the 6pm show (very prestigious) and lived only about an hour from home. But when I did the math and compared the cost of living, I chose the crappy overnight job in nowhere-Fresno because, due to the dirt-cheap cost of living, I would actually be making $8,000 a year more than the other job. Now who's the chump?!

Working at that job I learned how to balance a budget, find happiness buying my food at Grocery Outlet, wear clothes until they either didn't fit or were horrifically out of style, and eat at only cheap hole-in-the-wall restaurants (which were usually the best anyway). I managed to save enough money to buy a car, move to a nicer apartment ($650 a month rent was considered moving up!) and, most importantly, spent the next several years living as if I still made $24,000 a year. Not that I made THAT much more money at my next job, but I had learned to love a hermit and Scrooge-like existence that allowed me to save nearly every penny I earned. And those pennies come in handy!

So forget about applying for jobs where you'll make a comfortable living. Those jobs are highly overrated, at least until you're in your late 20s. Take a job that allows you to enjoy many years of a Scrooge-like existence, counting your stacks of pennies by candlelight and waiting for the day for it to all add up to a million dollars.

Why I Don't Watch Disaster Movies

About a month ago, Dan rented the movie 2012 from Netflix. He asked if I wanted to watch it, but I said "no, I don't like disaster movies. Plus, 2012 is like two years away so I'm probably going to get really depressed and think that the world is going to end soon." Obviously.

Over the next few weeks, the movie just sat around the house. I kept telling him that he needed to watch it so we could return to get a new (better) movie, but he always claimed he never had the time. Finally, Carolyn was over on Saturday and suggested we watch a movie. Driven purely by the motivation of getting this movie out of the house and returned to Netflix so we could get something that I wanted to see, I said "fine, let's watch 2012. That was followed by two hours of scenes like this:

It was a fairly ridiculous movie actually. In reality, the main characters should have died in the first 10 minutes, but they were always spared thanks to their sheer determination and unbelievable speed and agility of their car/camper/plane/feet. Dan kept laughing and saying how unbelievable the scenes were, and that nothing like that could ever happen. And I believed him. Surprisingly, I wasn't totally depressed afterward and didn't have too many thoughts about squeezing as much living as I can into the next two years before the world ends. I was fine. Or so I thought.

Then came Sunday night. There I was, fast asleep in my nice comfy bed, when I was gently transported to Las Vegas in my dream. Dan and I were walking down the strip hand-in-hand and having a great time. All of a sudden, the sky turned black. People started screaming and running everywhere. It was mass chaos and total pandemonium. What's going on?? I asked. Dan pointed up at the sky. LOOK! he screamed as the hotels started crumbling around us. Piece by piece, huge chunks of the buildings were slamming down around us, flattening the poor, helpless tourists who were standing just feet away. RUN! I yelled. We ran across the street dodging chunks of debris. Noticing that the buildings were now falling into the street, I figured that we needed to get to water and then we'd be safe. I spotted the lake in front of the Bellagio, pulled Dan in and swam to the center. Phew! We were safe. That's when I looked up and saw this headed right for us:

The top of the stratosphere hotel. We were killed immediately and transported to heaven, where everything was orange and glowing and looked sort of pixelated like watching a TV channel that was out of focus. I remember thinking ok, this isn't so bad. Then I woke up. It wasn't until I was doing my make up and getting ready for work that I realized the dream was, in all likelihood, inspired by 2012. And that is why I don't watch disaster movies.

The Stairs

Have I mentioned that I have stairs in my house? Like a lot of stairs? Like four flights of stairs? Well, I do. And from time to time, I fall down them. Usually it's just down a step or two and I land on my butt. I sprained my ankle once which was pretty bad, but last week really took the cake. I was about to leave for work when I remembered something up in my bedroom. I ran up, got what I needed, and ran back down. That's when it happened. It was like all the elements came together to make the perfect storm...it was dark, my pants were too big and falling down, my shoes were slipping off, my hands were full so I couldn't use the handrail and I was in a hurry. I had only gone down three steps before I went head first, end over end, bounced my way down and slammed into the wall at the bottom. Ka boom! I ended up in whimpering crumpled ball with a sore neck and this bruise on my hip:



Just kidding. That's totally not me. My bruise IS huge and nasty, but I'm too modest to post a picture. Plus, I thought this picture was much more impressive. Actually, this entire blog post is less about me falling down the stairs and more about the disgusting pictures of bruises you can find on the Internet when you're bored and wasting time. So cool!

Fancy House

I got to tour another fancy house last week. I'll have to write more about my experiences when I go to these houses later, but for now I thought I'd share with you just fabulous and fancy this house is. Click here to check it out.

Bay to Breakers 2010

In the Dressing Room

Have you ever found yourself staring at your reflection in a dressing room mirror and wondering is this cute or ugly?* What about is this a shirt or dress? Or where does this strap go? Is this on backward? How am I going to get this over my head? Is this really a medium? Did they design it to look like this? I found myself asking these questions and more while trying on items I had pulled from the clearance racks at JC Penney today. (Yes, I realize there is something wrong with that statement) I probably tried on 15 things and came out with four. And the only reason why I bought them was because they were about $9 each and I just can't pass up deeply discounted clothes. I came away with a $44 tank top for $10 (score!) and the lifelong lesson that things are probably on the clearance rack for a reason.

*I asked this question about a gray striped sailor-type shirt similar to this one. It was really flattering and made me look FABULOUS (if I do say so myself), but it had these funky slits/cut outs running down the sleeves with silver disco ball mirror button things. I can't even describe it. It was totally bizarre. It was basically saying I'm nautical from the front and club wear from the side. I just stared at myself trying to decide if it was cute or ugly. I wondered if it would be possible to wear it and not let people see my arms. But that would mean I would have to wear a jacket or a sweater, which would also cover up the cute part. And, I was worried about thinking it was cute, buying it, then wearing it and realizing that it wasn't cute about halfway through the day and being stuck in it and totally embarrassed that people were looking at me and thinking why would that girl buy that ugly shirt? So, I didn't buy it.

I'm just going to stick with shopping at H&M where all the clothes are purposely designed to be so ugly that they're cute. At least I know that they're supposed to look that way. It makes it a little easier to decide if I like it or not.

Bike to Work Day

Did you notice all the bicyclists on your way to work this morning? That's because today is Bike to Work Day! I was determined to participate last year, but alas...I did not. This year was a different story. I was ready. I marked it on my calendar weeks in advance and even tested out the route on Saturday. (I wanted to see what I was getting myself in to) It's exactly eight miles from my house to work and, depending on how much of a workout I want to get, takes 40 to 45 minutes.

It's actually a pretty easy ride. It's about two miles to the Iron Horse Trail and from there, it's a smooth, flat and peaceful ride with just the sound of chirping birds to keep me company. Too peaceful actually. It was quite boring. Saturday's ride was awesome! There were bikers and runners, three kids who hopped a fence to break in to a public storage facility, a little boy on roller blades who ran me off the trail and almost took me out, two kids climbing up and sliding down a mountain of manure at a construction site, a woman walking a Blood Hound, and seven crows flying overhead harassing a hawk. Today's ride was more like; Dang I'm tired. This is really early to go on a bike ride. Oh look, another bird. Yawn. What's wrong with all these people jogging so early? Am I there yet? I hope the ride home will be more entertaining.

My coworkers, Marcos and Jenna, also rode their bikes this morning. My eight mile ride is totally unimpressive compared to theirs though. Jenna rode 11 miles and Marcos rode 19 miles on a fixed-gear bike. It took him two hours. He's a little nutty like that, but at least he's smart enough to have his wife pick him up after work!

Another coworker took this picture and posted it on our company blog and Facebook pages. I guess that means they're proud of us. Though I'm sure they're secretly thinking we're crazy.

The good thing about my ride today is that I feel accomplished, healthy, proud, and capable of doing things that I wouldn't normally do. The bad thing is that I feel like I have no excuse not to do this again. I mean, before next year's Bike to Work Day. I guess I could do it once in a while. We'll see...

Bumper Stickers

I was walking through the parking lot after work today when I passed a car with a bumper sticker that caught my eye. It said "STOP!" (I paused) and in smaller letters underneath..."Recycle your oil." Huh? That wasn't worth pausing to read let alone stopping for. Now, I get their point. Obviously, they care about the planet and want us to stop and think about what we do with our oil before we just throw it away. But really? You feel so strongly about this issue that you wanted to put a bumper sticker on your car? Do you know the percentage of people who actually change their own oil these days? And of those, don't most recycle it? Do people really dump their oil down the drains anymore?

Either way, it got me thinking about bumper stickers. I'm definitely not a bumper sticker person. Maybe it's because I don't feel passionately enough about something to want to risk my car's paint job. Don't get me wrong, I've seen a few pretty good ones. They're usually humorous ones that I assume were chosen with care. And I don't actually mind the "preachy" ones. (Though don't expect to win me over in the 10 seconds that I'm speeding past you on 680) But it's quite apparent that there are many bumper stickers out there that aren't strategically chosen. Ones that were given out free to someone who thought...Oh cool! Something free! I'll put this on my car right now! One of which I assume was the "recycle your oil" one.

My favorites are the old election stickers. Yes, you supported Obama in '08. Why is that sticker on your car two years later? Either you want to express your continued support for our President, or you just want everyone to know...you were right. Although, even better are the McCain and Palin '08 stickers that are still out there. It's time to give up on that dream. Not only is your support irrelevant, but your opinions are not supported by the majority. You support losers.

Side note to the guy I saw on the freeway yesterday: Bumper stickers are meant for your bumper, not the passenger side door. Don't think you're fooling anyone. You can still see the dent that you're trying to cover up.

I don't know. Maybe someday I'll be the proud parent of an honor student and want to advertise it to the world. But probably not. After a year or two, my kid won't be going to that school anymore so it will quickly become outdated. Maybe someday I'll find a sticker that says "I have no opinions, hobbies or political views." For that...I might actually consider risking my paint job.

Dan the Elephant Man

Dan is finally getting down to business and trying to take care of his sleep apnea. I'm so proud! But ene more...I'm amused! Here's what he looks like with his mask on.



Poor guy is having a hard time with it though and it's been difficult for him to fall asleep. Here's hoping that tonight goes a little better :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Lettuce Hater

Sometimes it just astounds me how absolutely clueless some people can be about their own behavior. You would think that by the time a person is 20, 30, 40 years old, they would have some sense of who they are and the persona they put out to the world. It's called self-awareness. And, I know someone who doesn't have any. At all.

Now, I'm not talking about those people at the beach who wear bathing suits when they probably shouldn't. Those people are just a little clueless. Or maybe they're brave, who knows. I'm talking about the other people. The people who think they are one way, but are the complete opposite. How about an example?

The person I am referring to, above all else in the entire world, hates lettuce. (she doesn't actually hate lettuce, but I'd rather not go into the true behavior she exhibits so I will use this lettuce analogy instead. I thought of this example last night while I was in the produce section of the grocery store.) And I mean she HATES lettuce! She can't stand to look at it, talk about it, touch it or even think about it. She'll change the channel when a cooking show comes on that features a recipe that contains lettuce. Above all else, she despises people who eat lettuce and has on many occasions, tried to get them in trouble for it. Most recently, she contacted a member of local government to complain about a woman (<--this part is actually true) who ate a salad (<--this part is not true).

The problem is, this woman is a lettuce farmer. She owns thousands of acres of lettuce and sells it to make a living. She is the president of the National Association of Lettuce Lovers and the Lettuce Eaters of America Federation aka. L.E.A.F. (I totally made that acronym up and it is awesome!) She spends about 12 hours a day talking about lettuce and eats it for every meal. But, if you were to tell her that it seems she actually loves lettuce, she would kill you. I mean, she could be eating a salad in front of you, telling you how much she hates salad eaters and still not get the irony. Then she would stab you with her fork. Well, not literally, but she would probably scream in your face and call you dirty names. Seriously. It's happened. (<--this part is true)

Now, this is obviously a silly analogy and her actual dichotomy is much more sinister. But, my point is that it amazes me that someone can act one way and absolutely despise people who behave the same way. I just don't get it. Just another mystery of life I guess.

Sculpt

I wanted to try something different for my workout yesterday and while I was driving home from work, I remembered that last Wednesday I saw an interesting class going on at my gym. It looked easy enough, so I looked it up and found out that it was called "Sculpt." I was a little nervous to try it because I've never taken a class at my gym before. I've seen them going on, but never had the guts to try something new. But, I worked up the courage and decided to go for it!

So, walking into the class, I immediately activated my standard plan of action when I'm in a place where I don't know anyone and I have no idea what's going on or what I'm supposed to do - pretend that I know what I'm doing by repeating what everyone does just a little bit slower and just a few seconds after everyone else. It works every time. At restaurants, public libraries...anywhere where I'm unfamiliar with my surroundings.

I started with walking in and choosing a mat. Yes, these are where the mats are EVERY time I take this class. Then claiming a spot. This is my usual spot. I'm such a regular that everyone knows not to put their mat here. Then stretching and following the teacher during warm ups. I totally know what I'm doing because I've taken this class a million times.

But here was where I hit a snag. Apparently, everyone knows to bring two sets of weights. One lighter set for the shoulder exercises we started with, and a heavier set for the bicep exercises. Oops. I was stuck with my 5 pound weights which were WAY too heavy for the 100 shoulder presses we did. (By the way that is not an exaggeration. We literally did like 100 shoulder presses...AFTER we did 100 squats.) I do this class so often that I need 5 pound weights. Three pounders would be too light for my strong, totally buffed arms. I ended up doing ok with my weights, but when the teacher said "if this set is too much with weights, feel free to put them down"...I totally took her up on the offer.

Then came the set with the body bar. Or balance bar. I'm not exactly sure what it's called, but everyone knew to bring one to class. The gym supplies them, but they are outside of the classroom and when it was time to use it, I couldn't go outside and get one. That would go against my plan of acting as if I knew what I was doing. So, I just pretended that I CHOSE not to get one and did the exercises with my weights instead. But, about halfway through, I noticed a bar sitting against the wall next to me that no one was using. So I picked it up. Yes, this is the body bar that I brought into the class for myself. I was just choosing not to use it up until this moment. OMG. This was the heaviest thing ever!! The sticker on it said 15 pounds. I looked around the room and couldn't figure out how everyone was doing these exercises so easily with this massive stick. Not after all the exercises we had done up until this point. Turns out...there are different weights for the bar. Obviously, someone had brought this one in and decided it was too heavy and got a different one instead. Smart girl.

All and all, I was able to keep up for the entire hour. For the most part. When it was time for the mat work at the end, I took advantage of the fact that everyone was staring at the ceiling and not me in the mirrors, and took a nap. Well not quite, but I did totally slack off. There was no way I could do 50 bicycles. My entire body was on fire. The teacher was lucky she got push ups out of me.

Needless to say, I am sore. I considered not brushing my teeth last night or this morning because my toothbrush is just way too heavy. And washing my hair was torture. But, the next class is on Sunday at 9am...and I'll be there!

Turning 30 is for the Birds

Here's how I spent part of my last day in my 20s.











Ostrich Land just outside Solvang. More on my birthday trip later!

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A New Favorite Picture

April Fools!

Did you visit Google today? Did you notice that the company "changed" its name to Topeka? Check it out! There are some fun people working over there!

Creativity

There's only about a month left until the government's Homebuyer Tax Credit expires. Trying to communicate that to the public and actually get people motivated to buy isn't easy. But it's my job. So, I wrote this piece for our agents to use as a prospecting tool. Ah creativity. Sometimes it's a blessing and a curse.

Amazing Race Birthday

Dan and his friend Clarke have birthdays only a week apart, so each year they like to have joint birthday parties. Last year it was the toga party.This year, Clarke's wife, Denise, and I decided we wanted to throw them an Amazing Race themed party. It took weeks of planning, which was fine because we both are super planners. (surprise) In fact, we probably had as much fun putting the tasks together as we did at the the actual party. Here's how it turned out.

For the first task, a member of each team had to complete the Blazin' Wing Challenge at Buffalo Wild Wings. They had to eat 12 of the restaurants spiciest wings in under six minutes. Four competitors finished (Dan was the fastest at 2 minutes 18 seconds) and two (including Clarke) took the time penalty because the wings were too hot. I don't blame them!

They even made it on the wall of fame!

After they finished the wings, they had to find Dan's car hidden somewhere at the nearby BART station. Then it was on to the park where they either had to play bocce ball or soccer.

After this, it was on to the pit stop. Clarke and Maria were the big winners!

The best part of the race was how seriously people took it. Lloyd and Cri (aka Croyd) showed up in shirts they had made earlier that day.

Here you can see some of the clues we made them. We wanted to to be as authentic as possible!

It was a great party and I'm so happy that Dan has friends who are not only fun, but great sports!

Name That Bird

Does anyone have any idea of what kind of bird this is? Yes, he is just as creepy in person as he is in this picture.

Happy Birthday Dan

Lookin' good on your new wheels!

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You Know You're Turning 30 When...

For gifts, you ask your family for a medicine ball, rain jacket, vacuum and doormat.

It Wasn't Me

Company memo:

To all employees,

Please be careful when you are dialing long distance (9, 1, XXX-XXX-XXXX) that you do not dial 9,1,1 in error. The police department has visited us twice recently due to someone in our office dialing 911 and hanging up. Per the police department, if you dial 911 in error stay on the line and explain to the dispatcher that it was dialing error.

Double Rainbow

Drove under this on the way home from work yesterday. It was nice to see after all the rain we got!


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Domesticated

Dan and I have decided to take the next step in our relationship. We've talked about it for a while now and we've decided that now is the time to fully commit to each other, to settle down and become domesticated. So...we got a Costco membership.

We definitely got the full Costco experience on our first trip; crappy parking, crowds, free samples of hummus, long lines and even a chicken bake. (That was for Dan. I'm much more of a frozen yogurt-type myself, but I passed this time around.) We made sure we checked out everything in the store and made note of what we might need some day. That's kind of what Costco is to me really...a place where I see stuff that I might want to buy some day, but probably never actually will. It's fun to look around and dream though.

In the end, we went home with chicken, cereal, Panda Express orange chicken sauce, and a pack of 4,000 napkins. Of course, I MEANT to buy dinner napkins, but picked up beverage sized ones instead and didn't realize the mistake until I got home and opened the pack. I was FURIOUS! Curse you Costco and your over abundant ways! Thanks to you, picking up the wrong item at the store has gone from a simple error to a colossal mistake and year's worth of dinnertime inconvenience!

So now it's official. Dan and I are a suburban couple. Looks like we'll have to stay together for at least another year while we have this membership...or until the napkins run out.

Blossoms

My Gramma used to tell us a story about my Dad as a little boy. One morning, he went out to the backyard and saw that a tree had bloomed. He ran back inside and said "Mother! You have to come and see what God did overnight!" She loved that story and I always thought it was cute. I was reminded of it last week when I drove out of my garage and saw that all of the cherry trees in my complex had literally bloomed overnight. It was winter the night before, and spring the next morning. I love it!

These are the ones who survived Thanksgiving and are happy it's almost spring.


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Cabo

I've finally gotten around to getting all my pictures together from Cabo. After looking at these, I'm sure you can imagine how difficult it was to come home.

View from our room at the Hilton

Happy to be on vacation!

The infinity pool where we spent hours each day

Each day we had a little towel creature from the housekeeping chicas. This was a sea turtle!

At the rehearsal dinner. This was the worst day of my cold so I really wasn't feeling well unfortunately. I'm nursing a cup of theraflu.

With Mike, Julie, Denise and Clarke. I have NO idea why Dan is making that face!

The beach where the wedding was held

Emily coming down the aisle

The happy couple!

The entire East Bay crew

Just the ladies!

Emily and the groomsmen doing their dance

Celebrating Valentine's Day and our last night on vacation

Dan had the steak and lobster dinner...for $15. Awesome!

Mmmmm...and I had the chicken fajitas. My mouth is watering just remembering them.