Uh oh. There's a red light up ahead I really need to turn right at the next block. It looks like there is one less car in the far left lane so I'll get in that one, then cut over two lanes as soon as the light turns green. I'm sure no one will mind letting me in.
I really need to get out of this parking lot. There's a car coming with no one else behind him. I could wait until he passes and be in the clear, buuuuuut...no, I'll just go right now.
Everyone is going way too fast on this freeway. I should slow down. To 50.
If I start driving in the bike lane and slow down, it's totally obvious that I'm going to turn right up ahead. Why signal?
As long as there is at least one car behind me, I'm safe driving through a stale yellow/red light. I risk getting into an accident but if there's a cop around, the guy behind me will get the ticket.
Eh. I can turn right from this left turn lane.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Mystery of the 5th Floor Ladies Room
I would like to tell you a story. It's a mystery story. There are twists and turns and the ending will leave you in chills. And it's all true.
It's called Mystery in the 5th Floor Ladies Room. It takes place, interestingly enough, on the 5th floor of my office building. Where that office building is doesn't matter, but what you do need to know is that there are many people who work on the 5th floor. Many people. And many of those people are women. I'd say, maybe 50-75 of them. I can't say for sure because I rarely roam the hallways and when I do, I'm usually not polite enough to make eye contact or say hello. So I don't know if the person I'm passing works at another company or in the cube next to me. Plus, with that many women working here you rarely see the same ones in the restroom. In fact, there are some women who I've never seen in there at all. Like my boss. But that's another story....
So, these 50-100 women share one restroom. It's a nice restroom. Very typical of an office building I'd say. There are six stalls, four sinks and two large mirrors. But, just below the surface, this restroom is anything but typical.
Someone here on the 5th floor is oddly obsessed with toilet seat covers. Looking back, I suppose I noticed signs of her obsession months ago. Possibly even a year or more. A bunch of them would be shoved in the garbage can or in the sanitary trash holder thingy in the stall. At first I thought, Huh. That's weird. They must have gotten wet or something. But I started seeing them more often. Not all the time of course. Maybe a few times a month. It really depended on how closely I paid attention to the trash or if I chose the stall that she had stuffed them in. I never thought much of this woman...until today.
It was a typical morning and I was making first visit to the restroom for the day. I saw that the second stall door was closed and when choosing my stall, I usually like to give someone a little space (for my sake and theirs). So, I went into the fourth one. As soon as I locked the door, I knew something wasn't right. I hadn't seen anyone in the hallway walking ahead of me so I knew this woman hadn't just arrived. Yet, I could hear the rustling of a toilet seat cover being removed from the dispenser. Then another one. Then another one.
Oh no, I thought. She's here!
The rustling continued while I hurriedly did my business. One after another, they were being removed. I could hear them crunching and crinkling.
No, no! I must hurry! I must find out who this is!
But before I could finish, I heard the toilet flush and then her stall door open.
Noooooooo! Damn all that water! Why did I wait so long to go? Just a minute sooner and I could have been done by now!
Then I heard the water start running. She washed her hands, dried them and left. I rushed out of my stall, but she was gone.
And all that was left was.....
A stack of toilet seat covers sitting neatly on the counter between two sinks.
I was stunned. I went into the second stall and sure enough, the dispenser was empty. I was left cold and confused.
Why? Why does she do this? I don't understand. Is it vandalism? Does she have an obsession with paper? Does she just like the sound they make when you take them out of the dispenser? I feel so lost.
I went back to my desk and told my coworker what I had heard. She too knows of this woman but has no idea who she is. She was sad to learn that I was not able to solve this mystery for her as well.
So there you have it. The mystery continues. I hope I'm able to solve it someday. I hope you've enjoyed this tale. Maybe next time I'll tell you about the mysterious cosmetic company that is down the hall. All of the girls who work there are young, pretty...and I've never seen the same one twice. Cosmetic company...or front for a high class call girl service? We don't really know....
It's called Mystery in the 5th Floor Ladies Room. It takes place, interestingly enough, on the 5th floor of my office building. Where that office building is doesn't matter, but what you do need to know is that there are many people who work on the 5th floor. Many people. And many of those people are women. I'd say, maybe 50-75 of them. I can't say for sure because I rarely roam the hallways and when I do, I'm usually not polite enough to make eye contact or say hello. So I don't know if the person I'm passing works at another company or in the cube next to me. Plus, with that many women working here you rarely see the same ones in the restroom. In fact, there are some women who I've never seen in there at all. Like my boss. But that's another story....
So, these 50-100 women share one restroom. It's a nice restroom. Very typical of an office building I'd say. There are six stalls, four sinks and two large mirrors. But, just below the surface, this restroom is anything but typical.
Someone here on the 5th floor is oddly obsessed with toilet seat covers. Looking back, I suppose I noticed signs of her obsession months ago. Possibly even a year or more. A bunch of them would be shoved in the garbage can or in the sanitary trash holder thingy in the stall. At first I thought, Huh. That's weird. They must have gotten wet or something. But I started seeing them more often. Not all the time of course. Maybe a few times a month. It really depended on how closely I paid attention to the trash or if I chose the stall that she had stuffed them in. I never thought much of this woman...until today.
It was a typical morning and I was making first visit to the restroom for the day. I saw that the second stall door was closed and when choosing my stall, I usually like to give someone a little space (for my sake and theirs). So, I went into the fourth one. As soon as I locked the door, I knew something wasn't right. I hadn't seen anyone in the hallway walking ahead of me so I knew this woman hadn't just arrived. Yet, I could hear the rustling of a toilet seat cover being removed from the dispenser. Then another one. Then another one.
Oh no, I thought. She's here!
The rustling continued while I hurriedly did my business. One after another, they were being removed. I could hear them crunching and crinkling.
No, no! I must hurry! I must find out who this is!
But before I could finish, I heard the toilet flush and then her stall door open.
Noooooooo! Damn all that water! Why did I wait so long to go? Just a minute sooner and I could have been done by now!
Then I heard the water start running. She washed her hands, dried them and left. I rushed out of my stall, but she was gone.
And all that was left was.....
A stack of toilet seat covers sitting neatly on the counter between two sinks.
I was stunned. I went into the second stall and sure enough, the dispenser was empty. I was left cold and confused.
Why? Why does she do this? I don't understand. Is it vandalism? Does she have an obsession with paper? Does she just like the sound they make when you take them out of the dispenser? I feel so lost.
I went back to my desk and told my coworker what I had heard. She too knows of this woman but has no idea who she is. She was sad to learn that I was not able to solve this mystery for her as well.
So there you have it. The mystery continues. I hope I'm able to solve it someday. I hope you've enjoyed this tale. Maybe next time I'll tell you about the mysterious cosmetic company that is down the hall. All of the girls who work there are young, pretty...and I've never seen the same one twice. Cosmetic company...or front for a high class call girl service? We don't really know....
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